Editor's Intro

- Unholy Biscuit Issue II -

Shit! Hello!

Let me tell you a wicked story.

There was once this guy. Let’s call him Kyle.

Kyle, one rather overcast day, took a long hard look at his life. In doing so, he realised something was lacking. However, he couldn’t figure out what it was...

...Wealth?

...Fame?

.... A simple acceptance amongst his peers?

... An intimate relationship with a pirate?

None of these things seemed to be the answer. Especially not the last one.

One day it hit him: the only way to fill this empty void was to have a child in order to ensure his legacy lived on. Soon after such his impromptu epiphany, the thought began to plague him night and day.

As he didn’t have a partner, this was a little tricky. He tried to pay a girl who worked down his local Subway, but this resulted in loss, heartache and a black eye. He tried to adopt, but all the cool looking kids had already been taken. Artificial insemination sounded like a good idea, but again he didn’t know of any chicks willing to carry his child. And anyway, Kyle didn’t fancy jacking off into a cup at all.

In the end, he got a big, white fluffy dog called Alf, and boy did Kyle pay a lot of attention to Alf! He realised that he was acting quite rash in his decision to breed, and that there was nothing a kid could offer that his dog (Alf) couldn’t. Whilst he would always look forward to the day he became a father, he felt that the void had been temporarily filled and he could carry on his life in happiness.

Now, I’m not much like our hypothetical Kyle, in the respect that I’m just trying to run an e-zine, not gain a child (or an intimate relationship with a pirate. Although that would be pretty okay.)

Many may question the relevance of this story to the second issue of The Unholy Biscuit, and in a way, so do I. But the lesson here is that we should all strive to be grown up enough to stop over-analysing the hell out of everything.

Sometimes, a cigar really is just a cigar.

By occasionally accepting things things as they are, we will always prevail over our insecurities, our heartaches, our cynicisms, our disfigurations and out mistrust of others. Always accept changes, my friends, and always overwrite the older document.

Enjoy the new issue.