So, whilst both pitifully disappointing, it seems the ladies have the most dependable homesteads when it comes to a holocaust scenario. From this we can only assume something we've all suspected - in a disaster, every man needs a good woman. The single guy will find himself utterly screwed, staring forlonly at the ancient pizza boxes scattered all over the floor while the living dead burst into his woefully unprepared flat.

I was most disappointed with the estate agent who answered 0.5 to this question. If only his bosses knew how under qualified he is.

 

On first look, it would seem that da boyz (as I like to call us) worry more about infection than the kittens (as I like to call 'em) even though our homes are less prepared. To be honest, the true average response ranged between zero and four across both both sexes, it was only a couple of nines that dragged up the figures for the guys.

On the whole, people generally aren't worrying about infection at all.

Not nearly as much as they should be, anyway.
 

 

Oooh, controversial! an overwhelming majority (over 80%) of dudes would be willing to serve the greater good and eliminate themselves once effectively comdemned.

Women? Over 80% would not be willing to take themselves out if infected by a vicious and unstoppable plague that would turn them into a danger to every single loved one around them.

Gents, if you get nothing else out of this site, at least you can quote this the next time you forget an anniversary.

 

So, we're getting closer to the crunch: should the reanimated be spritely?

Well, we're not getting any closer to the crunch at all, but it is interesting to note that nearly all respondees (95%) would find a single sprinting zombie more terrifying than ten of its slower counterparts.

Since the correlation between athletic prowess and terror are quite clearly linked, I propose future films of the genre should feature zombies which are really good at the shot-put, or that thing where they jump into the big sandbox...

...There's a reason why I don't make horror movies.

 

There's nothing that pulls (and indeed feasts) on the heart strings more than the wandering corpse of a little girl, still clutching her childhood teddy bear...

...which may or may not be a zombie teddy bear! Oh my goodness!

Nah, it's not a zombie teddy bear. Toys can't get possessed. That would be silly.

 And another win for the boys!

Well, I class it as a win, anyway - I'm glad we've got the moral fibre to shoot ourselves or others in the head if need be. Then again, I'm kind of comforted by the fact that women are not very likely to shoot people in the head.

Which is nice.
 

The responses were about as mixed as they could be on this one, but generally speaking the dudes preferred automatic rifles and shotguns, whilst the ladies feel more comfortable with things like axes and swords. Although it's important to have a proficiency at both combat styles, there's not enough space here to get into the pros and cons of each. I'm not here to educate you. That's Max Brooks' job.

Some of the more interesting answers included: psychology, acting dead, hiding, a bad autobiography, napalm and homeopathy (which doesn't do jack on the living, let alone the dead.)
 

Again, the results are scattered as to what people think are the best places to hold out in, but these were the two that cropped up most for each of the sexes. I have to say that I agree with the ladies on this one - in the early stages, a police station is going to be full of people arrested for rioting, and the majority of these will probably have been bitten.

Some of the worse answers include:

- Bus stop

- Pawn store

- Deep freezer

Go figure. Although I can't believe nobody said 'army base'.

 

An interesting cultural revelation is that nearly all of the young 'uns polled voted for 28 Days Later, whereas nearly all the over 25s voted for a Romero film. One tit voted for Resident Evil: Extinction, which riled me so much I nearly discounted all her answers from the survey. But I'm using the empirical method, of course, so I didn't.

Ignoring that one, everyone responded with either 28 Days, Evil Dead, Shawn of the Dead or the aforementioned Romero selection. Things were split in the Romero department very neatly between Dawn and Night of the Living Dead, but Night just pipped it for the women.

Here's your opportunity to flood my inbox with emails blubbering about how 28 Days Later wasn't technically a zombie film.

Yeah. Don't.

And finally...
 

Well, there we have it! An answer to that age old question:

Inconclusive.

Oh dear. 80% of blokes said... well, 80% of them wrote an essay on the subject (guys it was a yes/no question, okay?) but essentially agreed yep, zombies should be able to run. 80% of gals said nope, they shouldn't.

It's probably safe to conclude that the zombie purists who subscribe to the old school films (in this case, the ladies) don't like the messing with genre. All the 28 Days Later fans, of course, don't mind.

So there you go, Bill Hussey - zombies should be able to run. Or maybe they shouldn't. Kinda depends on which control group you ask.

Oh, and the next time I take a forty minute bus ride to have you sign my copy of your awesome book Through a Glass, Darkly, you'd better be there at the convention instead of having Matt Riley sit behind the desk with your name badge on :P

In compensation for the respondees' time, a personalised drawing of them as a zombie will be on the way to those who sent a photo. It'll look something like this:

Thanks to everyone who took part!

Zeke (at) Tittybiscuits (dot) com

back to site